Delusions Of Hope

Rebellion Turned Disappointment

2004-10-03T16:56:00.000+08:00

I just got back from Tagaytay - nothing more than a whole day of sleeping around, cold weather induces lethargy.

Last Friday, I found myself hanging around Meralco Ave. instead of being in DLSU for the victory party (hehe, I never really counted myself a Lasallian despite being in a La Salle institution for most of my young life). We (Joey, Matt, & myself) were planning to party at the first Oktoberfest party of the year, it being so close to our homes and all.

Unfortunately, a shortage of funds among us ruined that idea. Although Matt suggested that he'd treat us with his first paycheck from Legacy Philippines, the banks were closed by the time he got the check. So instead of listening to bands and drinking the night away, we found ourselves listening to the testimonies of some of Matt's associates at Legacy, urging us to join the "business". I couldn't really blame them. After all, the more people they recruit, the more they earn, if I understood them correctly.

By 8:45, we collected what we had left and bought ourselves a round of beer at the Minimart that stood conveniently beside the Legacy office. As if the night could not get any worse, a puritan couple asked the guard to shoo us away from the perimeter of the apartment where we were enjoying our beers. It was one can each! What harm could we do? By 9:45 Joey and I were on our way home (Matt went ahead despite the influence of alcohol). What a waste!

Better Than Before

2004-09-26T07:58:00.000+08:00

Two weeks had past since my life has gone back to its usual stressful existence. Though this term has proven itself more manageable than the last, there is still that inescapable dread that seems to constantly linger over my head. We'll be having our first test tomorrow in DIGITAL, unless of course DLSU wins the championship today. I'll have to agree with Arun, Feng Shui was horrible and the fact that Sir Groyon asked me if I watched the film in relation to my story does not at all help.

Last Friday I went to Ateneo to watch Sonata, the last event for their Humanities Week. I was expecting that there were more people, sadly; only a handful were there. Maika and her friends enjoyed the gig, even though we found ourselves seated in the waiting shed. I was suppose to meet Allen and her gang, the people I met last Wednesday during the Literary Night, but it turned out that they were going later. And when they were about to go, my sister's friend got sick and we needed to go home. Bummer.

Heads Up (this is long)

2004-09-16T17:24:00.000+08:00

The Sanggunian ng mga Mag-aaral and the Loyola School of Humanities
together with arts-oriented student organizations
warmly invite you to the following events during
Arete
Humanities Week
20 -- 24 September 2004

Monday, 20 September
Arete Opening Ceremonies
10:20-10:45 a.m., area in front of the H. De La Costa Hall
To formally kick-off the events and exhibits of the Humanities Week is a simple ceremony featuring a dance performance by Ina Feleo of the Bayanihan Dance Troupe and a candle light ritual. Celebrate with us as we strive for human excellence through mind, body and spirit, celebrate life, celebrate the arts.

"Pagpasa ng Liwanag"
A symposium on the evolution of the Philosophy core curriculum from the
70s to the 90s 4:30 -- 6 p.m., SS-AVR
Hear why students have to go through four semesters of philosophy! Find out just how far the Ateneo has come to imbue its students with the rigor of this craft! And finally decide for yourselves if it is all truly worth it ... (which it really is!) Let our university's great minds convince you! Speakers include Dr. Antonette Angeles, Dr. Leovino Garcia, and
Mr. Geoffrey Guevara.

"Graced Imagination"
4:30 -- 6 p.m., Rizal Library Multi-Media Room
Let the Ateneo senior speak! Enjoy an hour of powerful images, music and words produced by university seniors at the height of their inspiration. A showcase of best student multimedia projects from Theology 151, the capstone course of the Ateneo Theology program. Profound,
heart-stirring messages by Filipinos for Filipinos! Our fourth year students at their
best!

Tuesday, 21 September
"Graced Imagination"
Re-run of multi-media projects done by Th 151 students
4:30 -- 6 p.m., Multi-Media Room, 1/F Rizal Library Annex
"Takipsilip," a Film Festival
6-9 p.m., Colayco Pavilion
The films unveil talent in video production and filmmaking by Ateneans who have made names for themselves in the world of Philippine cinema for their outstanding works. These are Mike de Leon's feature film, "Bayaning Third World," Quark Henares' "A Date with Jao Mapa" and "LAB" by Zig Marasigan.

Wednesday, 22 September
"Graced Imagination"
Re-run of multi-media presentations done by Th 151 students
10:30 a.m. -- 12 noon, Multi-Media Room, 1/F Rizal Library Annex
"Aria," a Literary Night
6-10 p.m., Quad 3 (garden between the De la Costa Hall and Social Science Bldg.)
The breath-weighed syllables of ARIA not only summon the element of air, but bring to mind the image of the lone soprano raving in her music. As the artist sculpts her voice to a fine composition, so does the writer smith his words until they are able to cleave the silence like a song. Partake in this celebration to unspin the creative spirit during a night of readings in poetry and fiction, musical performances and a booksale.

Thursday, 23 September
"Cyclorama," a Night of Performing Arts
6:30-10 p.m., Quad 2 (space between the Rizal Library & Colayco Hall)
In theater, reality is rendered and transformed. Worlds are brought to life through movement, presence, performance. A cyclorama is the blank wall at the back of the stage. It suggests infinite space and the unlimited possibilities. Arete's Performance night engages the fourth wall with the endlessness of the third. The evening will include performances by Blue Repertory, Entablado, the Glee Club, and other
performance-related groups.

Friday, 24 September
"Sonata," a Musical Concert
6-11 p.m., Quad 2
Step into the music time machine and revel in the continuous rediscovery of music's progression spanning the 70s through the 90s. Arete's culminating event will showcase the musical talents of our own Ateneo Musician's Pool as well as some of the country's musical forerunners. Music to cater to every discerning ear will be played by bands like Kjwan, Blue Jean Junkies, Taggu Ndios, Chrome 8, Plane Divides the Sky, One Day Old, Sponge Cola, Wake Up Your Seatmate and The Late Isabel. Tickets at Php50 each.

Exhibits
Monday thru Friday, 8:30 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Fashion Exhibit: "Moda," at the Colayco Pavilion
A showcase of an art that has eternally embodied beauty and style, this exhibit presents the evolution of the fashion revolution from the 1970s to the present. More than anything, fashion is that which prevails across cultures and time, feeding the need for personal expression, thus
creating a mélange of dynamism and vivacious creativeness. Visual Arts Exhibit: "Kaibigan kong Artist!" at 1/F H. de la Costa Hall Ateneo is said to be the home of excellence in the humanities, its students surpassing all expectations. This exhibit is a testimony to their talents, showcasing brilliant masterpieces by current Ateneans, alumni as well as non-Ateneans.

Photography Exhibit: "Pinoy Identity" at 2/F Rizal Library
Everyday we see icons of Pinoy culture; but more often than not, we ignore their presence, being buried in the frenzied lifestyle of the urban world. Let this exhibit rekindle the Filipino flame in all of us, reminding what our country and we ourselves stand for.

Comics Exhibit: "Moira" at the Colayco Pavilion
Mirroring the popular comics theme from the 70s through the 90s, Moira exhibits the search for true identity and destiny. Collections of prominent comic strips will be displayed, along with descriptions of the artists who made them. A reading corner will also be open alongside
mini-film showings of old Darna films.

See posters and flyers for details. For inquiries or reservations,
please
contact Issa Tobias of the Sanggunian thru cellphone no. 0918-9118405
or
Angelli of the SOH Dean's Office by email (atugado@ateneo.edu) or
phone
(426-6001 ext. 5301.)
Thank you for supporting the humanities and arts in the Ateneo.

Brevity

2004-09-12T19:57:00.000+08:00

I'm not going to ramble about it being the last day of the break, there's already enough in other people's blogs to satisfy the curious readers palette on how we deal with the loss of our freedom. Up to now I still can't think clearly - I really want to know the results of the Ateneo National Writer's Workshop. I think the same goes for all of us who joined.

We finally manage to set up the new sound system. Until now, I would say that the speakers have been playing nonstop since three this afternoon - five hours, give or take. Damn these things take long to break in.

It's a boring Sunday. My first class starts at seven. Oh joy...

Beliefs

2004-09-11T19:49:00.000+08:00

The cries of the innocent are rarely noticed; often talked about - never acted upon.

I'm ideological...so sue me...

Coffee & Poverty

2004-09-10T23:17:00.000+08:00

I wasn't hoping to get out of the house today. But at one my mom, downed by the sore eyes epidemic, realized that there was a talk at my brother's school. Guess who ended up going? It wasn't really that bad. I ended up killing an hour in Starbucks (and to think I promised myself I'd stay off coffee) amidst the raucous laughter of a few girls from ICA which somewhat threw me off track as I was fixing a draft - I know I'm a nerd, so sue me. I have nothing against them; it's just that I got use to being with people in Starbucks who engage in thought provoking conversations. I'm sorry if I offended anyone, don't take it personally.

It's disturbing to see street children running down the sidewalk of one of the most expensive private school in the country. Of course they followed me, asking for some change - and of course I gave in. I just can't stand the sight of children begging. But the sight of poverty built right next to prosperity is common in this part of the world. Just last Tuesday I spotted a group of street children splashing water about in the fountain of the new Ayala Museum. We've all grown accustomed to such sights that it doesn't even promote the slightest hint of sympathy for most of us. Then again, there are reasons for us not to give in to scenes of gross iniquity - crime being one of them. Yet regardless of these obvious dangers, I still feel a deep sense of pity for these children - even if the rest of the world has gone cold.

Funny how I can be so idealistic in a blog...

Strange Day

2004-09-09T18:38:00.000+08:00

This has been a day of contrasting events. On the one hand I managed to revise my story. On the other, I recieved the rejection letter from Adarna House Publishing for the Children's Creative Writing Workshop.

Trains and Realizations

2004-09-09T08:22:00.000+08:00

Who'd have thought that I was throwing my morals out the window? At least that was how my mom phrased it. But despite the stern reprimand, I managed to drag my pitiful self all the way to Ateneo to watch the As The Music Plays/Dramachine Campus tour - thanks nick for inviting me and thank you Che for coming along. Damn, the MRT2 is large; one could pretty much run a motorcycle through the entire length of that thing - with the proper precautions of course.

The concert was relatively good; at least Sugarfree was worth the twenty pesos entrance fee, hehehe. Bamboo was disappointing, they played only two songs! Well what can I say, it was only twenty pesos. I saw a few of my High School batch mates there - much to their own surprise and amusement. Anjo manage to bag himself an invite to the album launch of Sugarfree's Dramachine on Monday, I wish I could go.

I'm still thinking on what I'm supposed to do today. There's Rockwell with the overdue movies - I haven't the money to pay seeing that not everyone has paid their share after our Blue Onion dinner last Saturday. I guess that means it's time to borrow from my sister again. Ok, that's one thing I could do. Hum...

Hassles

2004-09-08T09:40:00.002+08:00

I hate organizing my things accordingly, but it's one of those tasks that (grudgingly) need to be done.

I've spent that last two days contemplating on the possibility of sending out some of my stories to a few American literary journals - taking into consideration Marianne Villanueva's. Perhaps I should. What do I have to lose in the process, other than my pride if they get rejected? I guess that would be all for now, I've got to get back to revising.

Hassles

2004-09-08T09:40:00.001+08:00

I hate organizing my things accordingly, but it's one of those tasks that (grudgingly) needs to be done.

I've spent that last two days contemplating on the possibility of sending out some of my stories to a few American literary journals - taking into consideration Marianne Villanueva's. Perhaps I should. What do I have to lose in the process, other than my pride if they get rejected? I guess that would be all for now, I've got to get back to revising.

Hassles

2004-09-08T09:40:00.000+08:00

Lost In A Sea of Faces

2004-09-07T18:42:00.000+08:00

I feel lost and unsure of myself. People would often refer to my academic accomplishments and would then proceed to ask me why the hell am I still unsure. Quite frankly, it's not about what grade you got in this or that subject, or what award you received at the end of the year. I apologize if I would begin to delve into the realm of Philosophy; this is just something I have to get off my chest.

This all boils down to the simple question of "Why am I here?" Many people have asked themselves this question, some have even gone on to publish books regarding this timeless quest for meaning. If you were to ask me, I'd say that there is no one reason that would justify our existence. There is no such thing as one finite destiny for all of us. After hours of introspection and self-questioning, I've come to realize that life is nothing more than a hallway on with masks suspended from the ceiling with string that's as thin as spider silk.

By now I'm sure that I've confused a lot of people, please bear with me as I explain. The faces represent the roles that we can assume in life. Most of us, in the process of assuming these roles, break the thin fiber that supports it. As a result, we gut stuck with that role our entire lives. But a few manage to switch from one mask to another without breaking the strings.

Despite everyone's opinion, from my mother down to my friends that I should just work towards one thing I believe that we were meant to move from one role to another. We were meant to be lost in a sea of faces.

I really planned to make this longer. But then again, I don't want to turn this into an essay.

Defining Myself

2004-09-06T19:57:00.000+08:00

Magical realism is characterized by two conflicting perspectives, one based on a rational view of reality and the other on the acceptance of the supernatural as prosaic reality.

So, what's the difference between this and the way I see the world?

People Watching and Other Thrills

2004-09-05T21:06:00.000+08:00

Rarely do I have time to enjoy a good cup of coffee and a good book. I spent the afternoon in Robinsons watching people go about their usual business: shopping, eating, and flirting. The usual things one would expect in any mall in the Philippines. The reading list during this break is unusually long:

1. The Life Of Pi
2. Five People You Meet in Heaven
3. Heights (3 issues I think)
4. The Witch's Dance

With all this ahead of me, and a story and revisions as well, I question myself how I'm going to accomplish all this if I keep on going out to the malls. The boredom in the house is just killing me. Humph, the advantages and perils of breaks.

Going Astray

2004-09-03T09:06:00.000+08:00

It finally happened, I got thrown off the Dean's List. Strangely enough, I don't feel bad about it - although I know I should. From a GPA of 3.5, I've dropped to around 2.5. This is bad; then again, I've enjoyed this term. Hum, what to do? Everyone seems to be going astray. Paxi, the CCS wonder boy, is considering shifting. When a guy with a CGPA of 3.8 begins to think of shifting, something has to be wrong with the system. Then again, I've always felt that there was something wrong with the system.
As I said in my previous blog, I'm really getting tired of COMPSCI. It's not as if there's no challenge to it. It's just that there's something missing. Blay already decided to shift, a move that prods me to consider shifting.

Break Time

2004-09-01T08:37:00.000+08:00

To those who have been waiting for me to update this blog - I'm sorry. I know it's rather pointless to create a blog then not use it. Now enough of the apologetics.

After two days without classes, the finals are over - let the vacation begin, or what's left of it. Despite what PB, Yot, and Soyster have been telling me, I still feel uncomfortable with the stories I sent to the Ateneo National Writer's Workshop. Urgh, I could never trust myself. Let's just hope I don't make a fool of myself.

The weather it still terrible. Although I'm thankful for the bit of sunshine a few hours ago, the sky is once again overcast and is letting loose its furry on us all. On the one hand, I love this weather; it's very conducive for writing short fiction. On the other hand, a vacation is not a vacation if the streets are flooded and all you’re allowed to do is to roam around the house.

My birthday has once again come and gone. In light of that event, as well as the ANMATH 2 catastrophe yesterday, Arun decided to go on a drinking spree. Thankfully, after spending an hour or more with them, I managed to cross Taft Ave. in one piece to get to Paxi's birthday bash.

Lapses

2004-08-02T21:10:00.000+08:00

I've been having memory lapses this entire day.

First: I forgot that the deadline for the requirements for the workshop on August 14 was today. Lucky for me, I had the story bucked up on the net as well as the profile I used for the Children's Writing Workshop a last month.

Second: Our lab for INTRODB was supposes to be from 6 - 9 this evening. Thankfully, Mam Tangkeko called in sick and moved it to another time. I'm hopping its not on Friday. I'm not missing Dandi's debut.

Third: I almost forgot that I had peer-tutoring today. Lucky for me, I meet up with my tutee on the way back from South Gate.

I'm a mess.
___________________________________________________________________

I'm still wondering what to get Dandi for her birthday. Hum, a book maybe, but that might show that I have no imagination at all. Oh well, there's still the entire week to think on it.

Why do I feel I'm in the wrong course? And why did it have to come into the picture this late! Darn it!

Irritating People

2004-07-26T19:20:00.000+08:00

People who think out loud at the wrong time really irritate me. Last Friday, I attended a seminar regarding Network Marketing, there was this one girl in the front row who kept on commenting each time the speaker asked a rhetoric question: "Yes", "Of Course", "Why not". Sitting there for three hours listening to her comments was just plain annoying.

If you read the Asian Wall street Journal, you would notice that the Philippines has been on its opinions section in the last two weeks. The pull out was a mistake. Call me heartless, but it was a big mistake on our part.

-----

The last two weeks have really been exhausting. Network Engineering is really giving me a beating - serves me right for making a lousy decision. Hum, I wonder what it would have been like if I decided to go to Ateneo instead of DLSU. Hum...

Facsimile

2004-07-17T05:04:00.000+08:00

It had just occurred to how similar my characters are to myself. A scary thought if one were to consider the themes that my stories usually carry and the psychological state that most of my characters are in.

I miss being able to take photographs. It's nearly been three months since I caught something new on film.

A New Home

2004-07-16T23:15:00.000+08:00

I have a new home. I apologize for the brevity of this post, it's eight in the morning and I'm not expected to start having classes until 3:40 this afternoon - I knew there was something wrong with coming to school this early. August is right around the corner and I can't help but think of how old I'm really am - Anj was shocked a few weeks ago when she realized that I was in fact older than her. I can't really blame her; no one really believes that I'm really turning 19. It seems that no one in my family looks their age; both my dad and grandfather look 5 to 10 years younger than they actually are. It's in the genes.

Yot and I both agreed on creating a communal blog for the prose section. It would be something to the effect of renga, but hopefully of better quality. Hum, let's just see how that turns out.